There are just some things you don't do in barbecue....

BBQ Taboos

DON'T'S

• Please don't confuse it with Grilling - This is one of those rookie things that always separates "hard-core" barbecue enthusiasts from the uneducated public.  Remember, grilling is a quick, hot fling you have with a steak, hamburger, or hot dog........while barbecue describes the day(s)-long relationship you have with a rack of ribs, a pork shoulder, a beef brisket, etc.  Much more finesse is required for barbecue, as well as a whole lotta time (just chalk it up to Emeril's "Food of Love" philosophy).

• Lighter Fluid - Unless you enjoy the taste of petroleum distillates (i.e. gasoline, kerosene, paint thinner), don't even try it.  Your food is going to have a long time to get acquainted with your fuel source, and we don't want "smoke" to be replaced by "fumes".

• Self-lighting briquettes - these little "lazy guy" lumps are basically lighter fluid sponges....see above.

• Foil (also a "discussion" item) - arguable item, but the taboo occurs when using foil for any large portion of the cooking process.  Those from Texas allow the use of foil for the latter part of a brisket cook, but those from other parts see this as a "crutch".  In either case, don't EVER use foil for the entire cook (yes, I've seen it done), or you'll have "steamed" food and not barbecue. (exception: after the food is entirely cooked and you're storing it serving, you may wrap it in foil and not commit taboo....but don't let anyone see the foil, lest they get the wrong idea.)

• Liquid Smoke - *ick*, *wretch*, just plain yuck.  This stuff is made by burning "green" wood and liquefying the resulting smoke.  If properly cooking barbecue over wood coals, WHY WOULD YOU EVEN CONSIDER IT?  The only place I've seen it used, where it "might" make sense, is in "barbecue" sauce, but even that is debatable.  Everywhere else, including jerky, is fraudulent.  It's like opening up a can of Spaghetti-O's and calling it Fine Italian Pasta.

• Ovens - At NO TIME should an oven be considered as part of the barbecueing procedure.  Therefore, it is IMPOSSIBLE to make "barbecued" ribs in the oven.  You can make some great "oven-cooked" ribs, but please don't call them barbecued.

• Boiling Ribs - Ayeeee, the ultimate taboo.....Most of the taboos listed above have one or two exceptions that will keep you from getting hung, but this one......NEVER EVER EVER EVER should a rib of ANY type come into contact with boiling water unless you're making soup.  If you need to boil them to make them tender, hang it up and order take-out.

• Crock Pot w/Barbecue Sauce - Ugh, a cross between the oven taboo and the boiling ribs taboo.....need I say more?  Throw some foil in the mix and you've just insulted the entire barbecueing community.

Areas for discussion (i.e. debate items & "fightin' words")

• Best Cooker - asking a man what the best barbecue rig is, is akin to asking him who the best ball team is.  Everyone has an opinion, and everyone else disagrees.  Be very wary when asking for this opinion topic, as it could easily get out of hand.....and if you use the word "ceramic" or "egg" in your question.....you better DUCK!

• Favorite Meat - very regionally sensitive discussion.  Various parts of the nation have their own version of barbecue, which involves different cuts of meat from different animals.  Generally speaking: east is pork ribs, southeast is pork shoulders and whole hogs, south is beef and brisket.

• Wet or Dry - "sauced" or "on the side".  Very much like meat, this preference is displayed along regional lines, with the eastern folks liking the sweet and/or vinegary sauces, and the Texans liking the spicy tomato or DRY situations.

• Lump or Briquettes - Here's one near and dear to my heart.  When I started this hobby, I had a kettle grill, a sack of wood chips, and a bag of a certain brand of charcoal briquettes (hint: they may be the "king" of charcoal briquettes).  Well, being the naturally inquisitive fellow I am, I started buying and trying different types and brands of charcoal.  PERSONALLY, I find that I CAN taste the difference between certain brands......and especially, between lump charcoal and briquettes.  Some fine fine cooks tell me that they don't notice anything different between fuels, but others agree with me and tell me of the nasty, bitter, acrid, chemically smell/taste they find when using certain "royal" and "kingly" briquettes.....and I'm inclined to agree.

• Cooking with flaming logs or glowing coals - right off the bat, I'll say that BOTH are right....but one is much harder and, for me, much more expensive.  The traditional "purists" insist that the original barbecueing pitmasters would burn their wood all the way down to coals before adding food to the pit.  Then, they would add glowing coals to the pit as the cook progressed, preburned in another area.  From my point of view, at $400 for a cord of wood where I live, I get much more value from my wood if I USE the heat of the burning wood instead of wasting it by preburning.  But, when cooking with flaming wood,  you must be careful to have just the right fire going or you'll ruin your food with bitter creosoted smoke. (small hot fire with almost invisible smoke)  When using preburned coals, you don't run that risk...but you waste a lot of wood and spend a lot of time preburning and shoveling.

• Soaked or Dry - small discussion item, but both sides of the camp on this one.  When using wood chunks or chips in the smaller cookers, most folks will soak the wood in water to prolong the smoldering and keep the wood from bursting into flames.  The downside is that some people can smell/taste a difference in the quality of smoke produced from a soggy piece of wood.  I've done both, and in some situations NEED to do one or the other, depending on the cooker I'm using.  One compromise solution is to use dry wood wrapped in foil, with a couple teeny holes poked into it.  That will keep the wood from burning too fast, but it will also be dry.

• Water Pan - Well, if you're using a water smoker it's "almost" required to have a water pan....even if there's no water in it.  The main problem that the old-school folks have is that they see the water pan as a crutch to proper temperature control.  Since the water acts as a thermostat and won't get above 212 without going to steam, it keeps the cooking environment within a specific temperature range.  The downside, according to the traditionalists is that the presence of steam also affects the quality of the barbecue (not to mention the crutch thing).  I've found that there are cases for both, and use the water pan like I do any other tool.  If it's the right tool, use it.  Don't bother me with hard-fast rules in cooking!  I'm creating here!!!!

• Beer or Wine or Spices in the Water Pan - When I started this stuff, it sounded like a great idea.....I made my first barbecued chicken with a water pan full of Cream Stout that I wasn't going to drink (I found that I don't like Stout).  Anyway, it smelled nice when steaming, but I never really found that it did much for the food.  I've heard people using wine, cider, beer, soda, marinades, and all kinds of spices in their water pans.  I guess there must be SOMETHING there, but I haven't been lucky enough to really see much yet.  I'll leave this one up for discussion.

• Sauces - tomato, vinegar, or mustard - this goes back to that "regional" thing again.  I hate stereotypes, so forgive me if I'm doing this, but historically, different regions of the country "tend" toward the various flavors.  Again, this is a discussion item.  For these "regional" types though, I find the discussions less hostile and more constructive.....listen to what folks like and decide for yourself.

• Foil or No Foil - OK, here's a hot one.  Back to the traditional guys, foil was never used "back in the day", so obviously it doesn't belong here and now....right?  Well, that's the argument, along with the problem of food "steaming" while in foil.  Again, like we said in the taboo section, you can get away with foil if you're done cooking and keeping the food warm but be prepared for a "discussion" if you wrap the food in foil while cooking.

• Gas and Electric? - see alt.food.cakes...............all I'll say here is that traditional barbecue does not involve alternative forms of heat.  You can make food that is close, but it won't be the same as cooking with wood and charcoal.  If you're that lazy, order take-out.